Fixing The Crack: A Relationship Repair Checklist

How well do you communicate with your spouse?

Communication obstacles exist between every husband and wife.

What a spouse should remember is that communication is the lifeblood of every marriage.

If you did something wrong, correct it.

If you can’t change what has been done, apologize and commit to not doing it again – and don’t.

Easily said than done, right?

But how to start and what to say is oftentimes an obstacle.

Because of this barrier, a common complaint of unhappy spouses: "He/she doesn't talk to me."

Spouses believe that the failure to talk is the cause of their problems.

Actually the nontalking is also a form of communication that may sometimes send negative messages.

For a start here's a checklist of what to say that may help you.

You will notice in the following examples that none of the statements say ‘you’ – they are ‘I’ statements.

When you need to stop a discussion from escalating, try saying one of the following:

‣ This is not going well – I need a break.

‣ I would like to start over – can we do that?

‣ I think we are losing focus – can we try this again later?

‣ I need to get some perspective.

‣ I don’t want to do this – I need a time out.

‣ I would like to revisit this later.

‣ This is not productive – I want to talk about it again tomorrow.

If you want to reach a compromise, try the following:

‣ Help me understand where you are coming from...

‣ I think I understand your point/perspective.

‣ This is making sense to me now.

‣ I agree with part of what you are saying.

‣ I agree.

‣ I never thought about it like that.

‣ What are our common goals?

When you need to calm down, try saying:

‣ I need to take a time out.

‣ Can we call a truce for now?

‣ I am not in a good place – I need to stop for now.

‣ I want to calm down – can we finish this later?

‣ I need to get centered.

‣ I need things to be calmer before we discuss this.

When you want to say you are sorry, try this:

‣ I overreacted – I am so sorry.

‣ I’m sorry – please forgive me.

‣ I really blew that – can I try again?

‣ Forgive me – I didn’t mean that.

‣ How can I make this better?

George Sala said: "It is difficult not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.

Can you recall a conversation you had with your spouse that led to confusion and pain?

What went wrong?

What will you do differently the next time a similar situation arises?